Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Cereal Offense

One of the things that makes America great is its dedication to the continued development of new and often sickeningly sugary breakfast cereals. I believe it's been our manifest destiny. Would the great chefs of Europe ever have come up with Mud N' Bugs? When was the last time your kids asked for Muesli? Do I even need to answer these questions?

Yet for whatever reason, only two cereals come in a remotely functional bag: Corn Pops and Smacks, both of which ironically had the word "sugar" in their names many years ago before people were aware of the damaging effects of sugar and also when kids were a lot healthier than they are now.

We can put a man on the moon and Ashlee Simpson in the Orange Bowl halftime show, but we can't get more cereals to use these partially resealable bags?

Listen, if you want to hear Larry James talk about the plight of the inner city or Mike Cope challenge the church to be more Christlike, that's fine. Just know that I'll be here, asking the questions everyone else is afraid to ask. Now if you'll excuse me, Count Chocula is waiting.


Beaner said...

I have failed as a parent. My daughter picks out the marshmellow bugs & only eats the mud. Why? Why???? Maybe I am having this problem because I have not introduced her to Jolt Cola yet. What do you think? Of course, it could be that marshmellows just don't go very well when your moth is stuffed with Jolly Ranchers.
A trick I've learned is to get those plastic cereal containers - there's nothing worse than stale Smack!!!

Joel said...


Thank you for answering the question that everyone (read: you, me & a handful of other sick people) is asking but is afraid (read: they might have thought it when they were in the 2nd grade) to ask. I woke up this morning wondering with all the floods, storms, & human suffering just how in the heck are we, the human race, going to keep our frappin (this is not a cuss word {see Cope's post/e-morality debate from last week} cereal fresh? Again, leave it to the Boone Box to seal the deal on the delima of the cereal box. Now if you'll excuse me, Count Crickula is waiting.