Thursday, September 08, 2005

Just Wince, Baby

Heading into the home stretch of the NFL season, my beloved Oakland Raiders have positioned themselves for an exciting playoff run. With just 15 games to go, the Silver and Black have moved to within a half game of first place in the AFC West.

They lost a tough one Thursday night to the two-time defending Super Bowl champion Patriots, 30-20. On the bright side, Randy Moss didn't smoke a single joint or fake moon anyone in the crowd. He's obviously matured a lot since two weeks ago when he said he was still, as the youngsters like to say, "burning lettuce."

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Every time I'm in an airport, I'm reminded of how relatively few people in the world I really know. Today at DFW, for instance, the only people who looked even vaguely familiar were a guy wearing a fluorescent, lime green suit (just his face, I don't know any suits like that) and possibly either Siegfried or Roy. I can never keep those two straight. The one I think I saw is the effeminate one.

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Again proving how much pull I have among golf's movers and shakers, Nancy Lopez heard my call to select teenage sensations Michelle Wie and Morgan Pressel as her captain's picks for the United States Solheim Cup team against Europe...and instead chose Beth Daniel and Wendy Ward. Both of those ladies are friends of mine and great players, but neither unfortunately will make anyone want to watch that wasn't already planning to. Which begs the question, if Europe falls on the golf course Sunday and no one sees it, will it make a sound? And this, if the two pregnant players in the competition - Laura Diaz for the U.S. and Iben Tinning for Europe - play each other, is it singles or doubles?

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Like most of us, I'm always looking for ways to have fun at the expense of others. My latest diversion is actually just that. When a really attractive woman walks by, rather than going all Jimmy Carter on her, I instead focus on how other men in the room respond. Their reactions are as varied as the men, themselves...actually, there's not much variety there. Most guys are pervs.

Nonetheless, some have no shame and blatantly go "full ogle." Others attempt to be a bit more surreptitious and sneak their peeks. (These are usually your otherwise more upstanding citizens.) For me, it's the best of both worlds: not only do I stay clean, I get to see how stupid I used to look.

So, fellas, next time Lady Lust comes calling, keep your eyes on the guys. You might just spot a celebrity like Siegfried...or is it Roy?

5 comments:

julie said...

Grant, you made me really laugh talking about the pregnant golfers...singles or doubles? Good one.
Julie

Stephen Bailey said...

Played a round (not around) with my lovely bride this morning. She's 21 weeks along. Did we break the "two to a cart" rule?

Jon said...

Your blog is the closest blog to Seinfeld. Random thoughts that somehow always wind up together and making sense at the end.

Brandon Scott said...

dude..didn't you know... it is EXTREMELY difficult to keep Siegfried and Roy straight. That's all I've got to say about that.

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