Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

The magazine cover featured two subjects, arm in arm and surrounded by water as the headline screamed,

"What Went Wrong?"

In times of national crisis, it is incumbent on America's journalists to ask the tough questions and discover the truth. Our forefathers died for the freedom of an investigative press. That and a dependable Best and Worst Dressed List.

That's why I salute People Magazine for getting to the bottom of the Kenny Chesney-Renee Zellweger marriage annulment. America thanks you.

Here's another question: did anyone really expect these nuptials to survive Daylight Savings Time? What went wrong? How 'bout Zellweger saying "yes" when Chesney first asked her out?

And did you see the reason given for the divorce? Fraud! Really? You mean these performers might have pretended to be people they really aren't? Didn't see that one coming. Whatever you do, though, please don't tell my wife that fraud is a legitimate cause for divorce. The judge would have his decision made before his robe wrinkled.

As we collectively mourn this national tragedy, we would all do well to remember the words of Patrick Henry, who once said, "Give me Liberty or give me death...or at the very least give me The 50 Most Beautiful People Latin Edition..."

---

When Obi met Barbie...

She's learned Bionicles and baseball by following her big brothers; she's learned pink and pretty by following her heart. Here's how Anna Claire resolves the two:

Amy: Anna Claire, what do you think you could be for Halloween?

AC (age 3): A princess!

Amy: What could the boys be?

AC: Um, maybe my bodyguards?

---

You may have read where several members of the New York Yankees questioned the Texas Rangers for taking their best players out early so they could get standing ovations from the home fans in the last game of the year against the L.A. Angels, a game the Angels won and, in so doing, clinched home-field advantage against the Yanks in the first round of the playoffs. Had the Rangers won, New York would've had home-field.

Memo to the Yankees: Your payroll is roughly the GDP of Belgium. Try mixing in an extra win here and there rather than asking a bottom feeder to do your dirty work.

---

Basic math tells me the difference between 6 and 36 is 30. But conversations like this one between a 6-year-old boy and his 36-year-old dad lead me to believe the distance is much greater.

Nicholas: We talked about things that are green today at school, and I said the Green Bay Packers.

Me (as I made a left turn): What else did you all come up with? A green light?

Nicholas: No.

Me: How about money?

Nicholas: No.

Me: What then?

Nicholas: Grass, leaves, a bush, and a frog.

Isn't jade a shade of green? I like his list better.

3 comments:

Stephen Bailey said...

Patrick Henry is fine and yankee-doodle dandy, but I believe when it comes to most truly important issues Garrison Keillor came closer to the true american spirit when he said, "Give me ambiguity or give me...I don't know... something else."

Corey said...

and I believe that Jimmy Buffett says it best when he said, "I know one thing...indecision may or may not be my problem."

officialloversguide said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.