I'm not sure which is more execrable: the unique grime in which one marinates during an all-night flight and the ensuing, early-morning airport layover; or the almost audible objections your body raises when you are so indescribably tired on such occasions. (Vote now to win either a Plasma TV or the opportunity to donate plasma while watching TV.)
I'm pondering that question and other mysteries of the universe in the wee hours of Monday morning at DFW airport after a redeye from Portland, haphazardly pecking away at a public computer keyboard that no doubt doubles as a bacterial buffet. (Please use a new petri dish for return trips.)
I've always found Portland to be very similar to Abilene in that it's inhabitable by humans. There are a few differences, such as Kerry-Edwards bumper stickers in church parking lots. And golf courses that aren't irrigated with non-potable water.
It was great to be back on the air for The Golf Channel broadcasting the LPGA Safeway Classic, knowing we were at the epicenter of the sports weekend. As you know from watching our exciting, tape delayed coverage, Hee-Won Han of South Korea was declared the Safeway winner when Canadian Lorie Kane was disqualified for having too many items in the express checkout line.
Buried on the back pages of your local paper, you might notice the Ryder Cup was also contested this weekend. The American team staged a furious rally on Sunday and ultimately succeeded in preventing Europe from doubling its point total. The final tally was 18 1/2 to 9 1/2 in favor of the Euros, though the U.S. team could have its margin of defeat reduced because of good behavior and a favorable exchange rate.
Despite Europe's seventh victory lap in the last ten Cups, the golf cognoscenti is again agog at the outcome. What's the next bombshell?
"Democrats Promise To Make Wealthy Pay Their Fair Share!"
"Taxes Again Due April 15!"
"Bush Dangles Participle!"
"Biologists Find Germs on Public Computer Keyboards!"