Friday, April 22, 2005

Mass Hysteria

Two questions about the new pontiff:

1) Does he take immediate ownership of the Popemobile, and, if so, does his newfound infallibility clep him out of waiting in line at the Vatican DMV to sign it over to his name?

and

2) Are we 100% sure this isn't Leslie Nielsen? 'Cause this is exactly the sort of thing he'd do for a gag.



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Equally blasphemous was my failure to include the chorus from Spinal Tap's smash hit "Big Bottom" in my recent post about mudflaps:

Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mudflaps
My girl's got 'em


As fans of the cult classic "This Is Spinal Tap" are aware, no discussion of mudflaps should exclude that epic reference. Mea culpa...which, by the way, is also an excellent name for a rock group.

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On the topic of car accessories, I noted a window decal the other day that must've been hatched from the same Casanova that gave us the nude silhouette-encrusted mudflaps. On the back window of a Toyota pickup was the caricature of a grinning, would-be Romeo with both hands extended and cupped above the words, "Free Breast Exam." Again, I'm trying to conjure up images of the kind of woman who would be wooed by such festoonery...

"Grandma, tell me how you met Gramps."

"Well, honey, I was on the 101, trying to find a decent public restroom, when I spied your Grandpa and his truck. He had me at 'Free Breast Exam.'"

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And while we're on the subject, can anyone simply affix to his/her vehicle a random and rectangular piece of cardboard with the words "Temporary Tag" or "Tag Applied For" chicken scratched in magic marker, colored pencil, etc.?

I see this two or three times a day, but I ask, have you ever known anyone to be pulled over and have his/her makeshift tag challenged? This could literally save you thousands of dollars over the course of a lifetime.

And if that works, why stop there? How about, "About to fix dangling muffler." Or "Bilious exhaust fumes probably not hazardous." Maybe walk into a bank vault wearing a sandwich board that reads, "Not really stealing this money. It belongs to my cousin with the dangling muffler."

I encourage everyone to try this and report back to me. If you get in trouble, let me know and I'll have Leslie Nielsen absolve you of any eternal repercussions.

3 comments:

Joel Quile said...

Why is there a picture of John C Stevens on this post?

Joel Quile said...

If you think about it, the leader of the Catholic Church is now a German Shepherd.

I'll be taking possession of the "Cricketmobile" any day now.

Sarah said...

I think you may be on to something with Leslie Nielsen posing as Pope Benedict XVI.

The 'Free Breast Exam' decal calls to mind one I saw in Central Texas: "Save a Horse: Ride a Cowboy". Classy gal driving that truck.