Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Desperate 'Haus-Wife

The marriage between Terrell Owens and the Philadelphia Eagles has - as you may have heard - gone the way of Chesney-Zellweger. After several months of petulant behavior and publicly dissing teammates and coaches, most recently saying in an interview that the Eagles would be undefeated if Brett Favre was their quarterback instead of Donovan McNabb, the team - surprise! - finally had enough and suspended their star receiver, telling Owens and the world that he wouldn't play again this season.

Harry: So you got fired today?

Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?

Tuesday, the NFL's version of Dumb and Dumber - Owens and his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, a man with all the sincerity of a felonious televangelist - appeared at a press conference to express remorse (Owens) and outrage (Rosenhaus) that T.O. now stood for Time Out. Owens "just wants to play football" that he can't.

How ironic that this comes the week of a Monday Night Football game between the Eagles and Cowboys. I'm trying to remember what happened the last time these two met on a Monday night, but the FCC has erased it from my memory. Oh, yes! The infamous locker room teat-a-teat with an ostensibly naked Nicolette Sheridan of Desperate Housewives, which ends with Sheridan dropping her sopping wet towel and Owens telling the Eagles they'll have to do without him for that game.

Turns out, the idea of Owens bailing on his team wasn't sketch comedy but merely portents of things to come. In fact, had it been a woman for whom he had betrayed his team, he may have had a few more sympathizers. But T.O. is apparently in love with himself. And this time, his coach, Andy Reid, is the one throwing in the towel.

(Good luck today trying to ctrl + alt + del the mental jpeg of Andy Reid naked...)


Joel said...

A few "Dumber" thoughts:

T.O. can repay the Eagles in I.O.U.'s.

I saw Andy "Sea Bass" Reid wearing a hat yesterday that read, "Wine 'Em, Dine 'Em, Cut 'Em & Fine 'Em" which I thought was weird.

Maybe T.O. can get a contract from the expansion team in Aspen California.

T.O. to Andy Reid: "Let's throw another shrimp on the barbie."

Andy to T.O.: "Lets not."

Drew to T.O.: Hi T.O.!
T.O. to Drew: Hi Drew!
Drew: How was your day?
T.O.: Not bad. Fell of a jetway again.

Drew to T.O.: "I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single NFL job in this league." There is nothing, nada, zip!

T.O. to Drew: Yeah! Unless you wanna respect your boss and make millions.

Great Post Boone!
Rick Riley Lookout!

Darren Duvall said...

Luckily, there is a place in this world for athletes with massive egos and attitude problems.

Welcome to the Oakland Raiders, Mr. Owens!

Matt McBryde said...

Great blog!

The mental picture I get from the "apology" is Drew in a dog outfit: "I bathed and I primped HIM myself. And stand my by performance."
In the bag of the Shaggin Wagon is T.O. covered in mustard and ketchup with his tongue waggin looking for his next hot dog.
"Foot long! Who's got the foot long!?"
Or perhaps T.O. and Drew are in Owens' house crying and wipping their noses with money.
Look what you've started, Grant. I am going to be thinking about this all day!
Love the blog!

Anonymous said...

Oh no you di'nt, Mr. Duvall. I know you did not just diss on Grant's Raiders...

Stephen Bailey said...


Darren Duvall said...

I'm not dissing the Radiers, even felons need fans. How else to explain the continuing popularity of the Florida State Criminoles?

Lovell's Lookout said...

I am praying TO doesn't come to Dallas. Great STuff Boone. Willerton really rubbed off on you. Pass the Fra lippo lippy...